My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
