My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
They should really pass out barf bags in church
birth control should be required to get into college
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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