im drinking this country out of the recession.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
