what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
