I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
