i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
