I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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