I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
