I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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