his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
