take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
