We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
