And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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