The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
