Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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