You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he thought i was a dude.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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