Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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