I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
