Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
