I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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