The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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