is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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