We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She even gives head with a lisp.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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