he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
