guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
