I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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