Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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