Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Are we still banned from the library?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
