Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
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