i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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