I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
