Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
