I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
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