Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
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