You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
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