Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
