All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
