Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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