So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
