2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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