When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
