whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
What drink are we having for lunch?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
