dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
