In the future we'll all be gay
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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