Me. At least after what I've been through.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
