I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
