Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
