i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
