I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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