Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
