today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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