We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
