Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
