She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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