it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
