I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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