At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
