Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
