i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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