I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Everyone says I win the strip club
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
