Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
