I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
