when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
We left an ass print on the piano.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
