so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
