I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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