Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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