I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
