im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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