Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
