Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Two words: blizzard sex
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
