i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
