I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
